


A Girl You Want To...

by aflawedfashion



Category: Defiance (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, F/F, Femslash, Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 16:26:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14958062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aflawedfashion/pseuds/aflawedfashion
Summary: In her first meeting with Irisa since breaking up with Tommy, Berlin is free to admit her feelings for Irisa were more than just jealousy.





	A Girl You Want To...

Berlin wasn’t prepared for this inevitable confrontation, but she couldn’t back out, couldn’t run away. She was trapped in a cafe with Irisa, feeling like she had been unexpectedly thrust in front of a firing squad, waiting for a bullet, praying for mercy. Her heart pounded in her chest. She’d never felt this way about anyone in the past - not in love, not in hate. Irisa inexplicably wrecked Berlin on a physical level like no one else ever had.

Berlin could hardly believe that only two months earlier, she was confident she and Tommy were starting something special. He made her rethink what it meant to be in a relationship, made her believe good men actually existed. She had been falling in love, and she honestly thought he was too.

Then, Irisa drove into her life with daring eyes and a fiery temper, and nothing was ever the same again, not Defiance, not Tommy, not even Berlin herself. Her good man didn't want to be with an uptight E-Rep captain. He wanted to be with his free-spirited, enigmatic ex. It killed Berlin to be second best, but she was somewhat ashamed to admit she understood Tommy’s affinity for Irisa. 

If Tommy’s reaction to Irisa was anything like Berlin’s, she could hardly blame him for being unable to let Irisa go. They had both been struggling to ignore their feelings for Irisa until there was no point in pretending their relationship was salvageable, leaving Berlin alone to face Irisa with no idea if Tommy planned to act on his feelings.

Berlin’s eyes locked on Irisa’s, unblinking, unmoving. They looked into each other’s souls - souls bound by a shared lover and a shared turmoil. The hair on Berlin’s arms stood on edge. She fought to steady her breathing, wondering if Irisa had to work as hard as she did to stay composed around her, wondering if her presence fried Irisa’s brain. She wondered, not daring to hope.

She half expected Irisa to look at her with smug superiority; after all, she had won, but Berlin should have known better. She hardly knew Irisa, but she knew her well enough to know she’d never gloat about Berlin’s loss. Irisa’s face seemed unreadable, but then her long, dark eyelashes wavered, causing Berlin to bite her lip. She was starting to think the effect Irisa had on her was mutual. 

Irisa stepped forward, and Berlin followed, her dazed mind racing through a fog, searching for the right words to say. They hadn’t seen each other since before Berlin dumped Tommy, since before Berlin stopped pretending her only interest in Irisa was as Tommy’s ex. Jealousy was only one of the many feelings Irisa stirred within Berlin, and she had no reason to be jealous anymore.

Berlin no longer needed to fear Irisa. Irisa couldn’t take Tommy from her after Berlin willingly gave him up. Now, Berlin could do whatever she wanted. She was single. She was free to let her gaze drop to Irisa’s lips without guilt, free to wonder if Irisa ever fantasized about kissing her, free to wish they were alone so she could find out.

Irisa extended her arm, their fingers brushing together as Irisa took the sugar from Berlin’s hand. They were standing so close Berlin could feel the heat radiating from Irisa’s body. Her gaze never strayed from Irisa’s face as she poured the sugar into her mug and handed the jar back to Berlin.

“I-“ Berlin began to say, afraid this would be her only chance to speak.

“I know,” Irisa interrupted with a heartfelt look of solidarity before turning away from Berlin.

With her mouth agape, Berlin watched Irisa exit the cafe, wondering if Irisa really did know what Berlin was going to say or if she merely wanted to stop Berlin from speaking. It seemed unlikely that Irisa could possibly know when Berlin herself wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but maybe Irisa knew that too. Maybe she was the only person in the world who knew they both desperately needed to say something to each other, but there was no right way to say it. 

Berlin took a deep breath to settle her nerves, letting the world come back into focus. As she listened to the woman behind the counter call out a customer’s name, she grew acutely aware she was standing frozen in a cafe, looking like an idiot.

“There are like 20 other people in here,” Poole said over Berlin’s shoulder. “And we’re all just trying to get some caffeine, so we don’t fall asleep on the job.” 

“What’s your point,” Berlin hissed.

“If we wanted to watch a seduction, we’d go to the NeedWant and watch professionals.” 

“That wasn’t a seduction.” Berlin shuddered. “Trust me.”

“Berlin.” Poole threw his arm over her shoulder. “I’ve known you a long time now, longer than anyone else in this town. I once watched you convince a prostitute in New York to fuck you for free, so believe me when I say that I know what you look like when you’re trying to seduce someone, and that was definitely it.”

“You need to get your eyes checked.” Berlin swatted his hand off her shoulder. “I hate Irisa.” 

“That’s not how you look at girls you hate,” Poole tilted his head to the side. “That’s how you like at girls you want to kiss.”

Berlin grimaced with embarrassment. “I don’t want to kiss Irisa,” she lied.

“Ok, fine, but you definitely want to fuck her, get a little rebound action with the ex’s ex. I get it.”

“Shut up,” Berlin snapped. 

Poole grabbed the sugar from Berlin, sprinkling it into his own mug. “Tell me I’m wrong.” 

“I refuse to validate your idiotic statement with a response.” Berlin walked away from Poole, feeling like an ant who narrowly avoided getting stepped on. She hated to be so transparent. The last thing she wanted anyone to know was that she lost Tommy and had a hopeless attraction to his ex who he’d almost certainly get back together with, leaving Berlin a reject twice over.

“See,” Poole shouted in response to her silence. “You know I’m right.”

Of course he was right.  
  



End file.
